Dear Mr. Clean,
For a few months, you graced the upper right corner of this very page, touting the magic of an eraser. Your rippling muscles and shiny polished head never failed to draw my adoring eyes back to this blog again and again. Trust me, I never had clean thoughts about you.
But here's the thing. While I was spending time watching you flash that brilliant grin, I wasn't getting any cleaning done. The strain you have caused on my marriage has been great. And to make it even worse, I began to see you pop up on other blogs underneath a little BlogHer sign, you CHEATER! I was totally going to break the whole thing off with you.
But then, you disappeared and haven't been back since...*sob*
Go ahead, stay away, for all I care! You may return to my blog on one condition--come back and announce the Magic Bathroom Cleaner. And I'm not talking that silly Shower Cleaner those little bubbles think is so great. I'm talking toilet scrubbing, floor mopping, mirror wiping, sink washing, soap scum removing sort of "magic," m'kay?
Until then, you and those sultry white eyebrows can go dazzle some other unsuspecting blogger. Unless you really want to come back...
Dirty hugs and kisses,